[ The following day brings new doubt nipping at his heels, but Wanda does him the courtesy of falling back to their normal routine and the whispers of suspicion fade just the more with every sunset. Neither party broaches the topic of what she witnessed in that dream. Loki isn't ungrateful, but the lack of resolution does gnaw at him. From the beginning, he'd assumed that all of his (known) faults had been exposed by Thor, but Wanda's lack of reaction to his jotun body called into question what she'd actually heard from Thor. Surely she would have been repulsed, if not by the image, then the history behind them.
So when, while waiting for Wanda to gather herself for a trip into the city, the sight of a tome on different worlds and races known intimately (and bitterly) to him catches his eye, his lips press into a thin line. He doesn't need to confirm what subject that ribbon is bookmarking, having revisited it several times himself. Of course she'd look into it -- and without him, at that. Still, it isn't betrayal he feels, but the ever-present bitterness associated with his ancestry and the sense of inevitability.
Yet he is the image of propriety when they depart, with a golden braid draped over one shoulder and an empty, woven bag over the other, and a polite smile fixed upon the slender face of Wanda Maximoff's handmaiden. As they pass beneath the last of the palace's arches, he asks, ] Have your tutors deemed you adequate enough to increase the pace, then?
[Wanda's in a bit of a hurry to get ready, otherwise she wouldn't have carelessly left the book out. The level of self-hatred Loki had shown the other night had to come from somewhere, and it only took a few days of waffling before Wanda went looking for answers. She couldn't ask Loki directly, not when he's graciously let the matter of her poking in his dreams drop. She's upset him enough...but the palace library had to have something enlightening on the jotnar, and ideally Loki would never have needed to know.
She emerges from her chambers a little breathless from adjusting her corset and takes Loki's arm as she usually does. She doesn't even notice that the book is out and visible as they leave.]
I think they have learned they were wrong. They're almost nice to me now.
[That Thor decided to take her with him to Muspelheim over any Asgardian spoke volumes, and that she'd survived the trip spoke more. Her tutors have been much kinder since the Incident, and Wanda doesn't want to admit it, but over time it's become much easier to sift through an Asgardian's mind. She doesn't need breaks as frequently and she's starting to learn the language on her own.]
We should stop by a fruit stall. [Wanda continues on like nothing's wrong, because as far as she's concerned, nothing has changed. She read a book, but Loki is still Loki, still her soulmate.] I think I want to bake cookies soon.
[ In response to the 'almost nice' comment, he lets out a noncommittal hum. She doesn't seem to realize that he'd noticed the book, but he's got that pointed, passive aggressive patience to suss it out.
Instead, he continues walking without batting an eyelid to Wanda's hold around his arm and replies with a flippant, ] You Midgardians and your sweets. What's the occasion?
Ah, [ he starts, injecting a soft sense of realization into his fairer voice and glancing at Wanda to assess her body language. ] Is that why you're now studying different cultures? To look for new recipes?
[It's such a strange question to follow that at first, Wanda's confused. What is he-- oh no. Where did she leave the book again?
But she doesn't move away from Loki. It's just a book, she's allowed to take advantage of the library, and there's no point injecting unspoken accusations when there's no real reason for her to feel guilty. Reading a book isn't a crime.]
I think I need to know more about the other realms. I almost died because I didn't know where Thor was taking me.
[It's not exactly smooth, but it's not 100% a lie either. Wanda may have originally picked up that title to read about the jotnar, but she also read the chapters on Alfheim and got halfway through the material on Vanaheim.]
Is Alfheim as pretty as it is in the pictures?
[It was an innocent enough question. No need to be worried unless he tries to corner her about the Jotunheim chapters.]
[ There's a slight furrow to his brow when she alludes to the incident with Muspelheim, but his expression smooths over as she continues onto the subject of Alfheim. A compelling and likely honest reason for the book, but Loki doubts that she's being entirely forthcoming.
It... bothers him, potentially more than the fact that she went behind his back to research the jotun, though he can't mentally articulate why. By all accounts, omission of truth is a wise tactic against someone known as the God of Lies.
But Alfheim. He doesn't skip a beat, purposefully curving his lips into a light smile. Despite his annoyance, he speaks with genuine fondness. ]
Illustrations do not do it justice. You've seen it described as a paradise, haven't you? The springs run with champagne and the night sky glistens like jewels strewn across velvet. [ He glances down, catching Wanda's eye with a sly glimmer in his own. ] One might caution you against ever visiting, Lady Maximoff. You may never wish to return.
[ Not leave, but return. Oh, how accustomed to her presence he's become. ]
[She'd thought 'the springs run with champagne' was just hyperbole...but then again, there's apparently Asgardian spring water that is stronger than the most potent Earth alcohol. Wanda had thought they were just trying to pull a fast one on the Midgardian but they were actually telling the truth.
She sighs, and were they alone (and Loki his normal height), she might have briefly rested her head on his shoulder for this quiet admission. As it is, she draws a little closer.] I already want to stay.
[But that's not possible, right? Eventually she will have to return to Earth, as much as Wanda tries not to think about it. This is Loki's home. She can't start to feel like it could be hers, too.
Thankfully, the scent of something delicious pulls Wanda from her thoughts. Something baked, although Wanda can barely see the cause behind the family crowding the stall. The kids are already starting to push each other to be first for one of the handpies.]
I don't think I've tried that yet... [Wanda looks back to Loki and grins, gently tugging his arm. Kids will be kids. Whatever. She can wait her turn.] Come on.
[ With a sudden prick of irritation, he wonders if she would draw so close if she knew anything worthwhile about the jotuns. If she'd still want to stay. Perhaps she hasn't gotten that far into their chapters yet.
When she draws his attention to the stall, he merely arches his brow in faint distaste of the rowdy children, but allows himself to be ushered closer. It doesn't matter that he used to be quite rowdy himself -- though Thor outshone him there, too. ]
You really ought to get out more. [ The handpies are just one of several culinary highlights strewn along the market stalls -- though he's one to talk, not having indulged himself for... years, now that he thinks about it.
There's a distant sort of discontent in that realization. ]
Gunnar, Astrid!
[ The children may or may not be Gunnar and Astrid from the way they completely disregard the woman who sharply called their names. Loki leans his head in toward Wanda, whispering, ] Looks like they've just about driven her to wits' end.
Maybe I should. And I do have the best guide in Asgard...
[Wanda grins, blissfully unaware of Loki's darker inner monologue as she leads him to the stall. It doesn't sting so much to joke about that now that walking around her chambers isn't a serious struggle.
She inclines her head towards Loki, unable to hide a wince of sympathy.]
And this is before suga--
[In that split second Wanda was distracted, the boy shoves his sister out of the way and accidentally pushes her directly into Wanda. Thankfully, she has a good enough hold on Loki's arm that she only staggers a little. Asgardians are heavy.
The mother looks mortified, edging on the kind of anger that makes saying something you'll regret infinitely easier. By now, everyone knows about the red witch, that she's one of the prince's battle companions and a guest of the crown. It's bad enough that her kids have been unruly terrors all day, but now...
Wanda's smile has since turned sheepish - did she almost get knocked over by a kid? Still, she helps Astrid steady herself.]
Careful. Are you all right?
[Astrid nods, the picture of wounded dignity...for about 0.5 seconds before she lunges back at her brother to retaliate. They both hit the side of the stall and the vendor's smile turns strained.
Wanda can feel the exact second the mother loses every last shred of her remaining patience. This time, when she shouts 'That's enough!' the children hear something in her voice that makes them stop.]
[ The woman draws herself to her fullest height -- taller than both Wanda and "Loki" -- and stares down at the siblings with a look that every governess worldwide would commend. The frustration in her voice is replaced by a stony steadiness that every child is genetically programmed to understand as 'you done fucked up'. ]
If you are to act like savages, then perhaps you would like to join the ones on Jotunheim.
[ Astrid seems to hesitate, but Gunnar pumps his free fist in the air with defiant enthusiasm. ] I'll kill 'em!
They'll kill you, [ Astrid scoffs. ]
Nay, sister, not if we take them together!
They will take the both of you, [ says their mother, turning her back on them with the thread to leave. ] For their dinner.
Bit scrawny for that, [ says the vendor, playing along in a bored tone. ] Your bones might be big enough to pick their teeth, though.
[ The children both seem to waver, but when their mother doesn't stop or look back, they both shove off each other and bolt toward her, squabbling as they disappear into the market crowds. Sighing, the vendor shakes his head, then puts on a smile for Wanda and Loki. ]
[Wanda even flinches reflexively at her tone, much less the words behind it. There's that hatred again, and she can't help but peek into the woman's mind to see the source. No book can explain the almost hard-coded contempt the Asgardians seem to share for the jotnar, but a real person...
These thoughts are close to the surface and Wanda doesn't have to look far to almost wish she hadn't. They eat babies. They're savages, primitive and brutish. They have no soulmates. That final thought snaps her back to herself with an intake of breath that could almost pass for a reaction to the scene playing out in front of her.
Thank goodness for her sleeve; no one will see the way Wanda's thumb rubs against Loki's forearm in some vain attempt to soothe him from the insult. She knows it likely won't do any good, but it seems important to remind him that not everyone thinks that way.
His soulmate doesn't at least.
Wanda finds her voice a moment later, and luckily, any awkwardness in her smile can likely be chalked up to being caught in the middle of the childrens' tantrum.]
Two of those pies, please.
[Wanda manages to get the necessary coins without fumbling. She'll call that a win.]
[ There's an odd feeling of the violation of privacy in Wanda witnessing the Asgardian loathing of Frost Giants that Loki wouldn't have predicted. It makes an otherwise routine discrimination just a little more uncomfortable -- a little more personal. He finds himself frowning, particularly when the boy pitches teamwork -- an altogether familiar scene from his and Thor's youth -- but it is when Wanda rubs his arm that he stiffens.
What else could this be but an attempt to comfort? Why? Pity, he decides, and hardens his heart. Only after the purchase concludes and they've taken several steps away from the table does he break his silence. ]
You delved into their thoughts, didn't you, [ he murmurs; it is not a question. The book -- to learn more. An opportunity to learn in the moment -- how could she pass it up? ]
[In some ways, he knows her too well. She'd hoped he wouldn't notice.]
I wanted to understand.
[All she's found is that there's no reason beyond habit; Asgard and Jotunheim had been at peace for centuries after the last war. It's just bile now, a poison, and maybe this is why Wanda keeps getting the impression that she was too late. Once he'd learned of his heritage, Loki must have been convinced she didn't exist until he'd stumbled upon her.]
I still don't.
[It seems like many cultures consider the soulmate bond almost sacred, and to deny its existence completely...that takes a deeply ingrained level of hatred. Some part of her wants to rip that awful lie away from everyone so that Loki might never hear it spoken again...but a lifetime's damage is still done.]
What is it that still eludes you, Lady Maximoff? [ he asks coolly, sparing her a glance away from the market folk. ] The Frost Giants are monsters. Your studies have illustrated as much, haven't they?
[Oh no, he must have seen the section she'd bookmarked. Maybe she shouldn't be surprised.]
Not everything they say is true. Just hate beyond what makes sense.
[She's here, isn't she? And Loki is no monster as far as Wanda's concerned. Why wouldn't she question the prevailing Asgardian theories? She understands that the two kingdoms have a history, but it felt like the woman's disdain for the jotnar was almost reflexive.]
[ There's that depth in her words again, an altogether rare sincerity that beckons Loki's trust like a siren's song. He digs his heels in reflexively, always reluctant to think the best of someone, never satisfied. Insecurity drives him to push against her sentiment, testing its resilience despite the penchant for this resistance to backfire.
He exhales the ghost of a laugh, lips briefly drawn in a tight smile. ]
Because you're suddenly the authority on the matter.
[Always so prickly, her Loki. Wanda has to keep telling herself that if he really didn't trust her at all, he wouldn't be here. This must be dredging up a lot of pain.]
If they were, I wouldn't exist.
[She holds his gaze steadily, refusing to back down. He doesn't get to go on believing everyone thinks he's a monster.]
[ Loki is the one to break eye contact, done with a impatient breath and an agitated motion to his fingers. She's so damn confident -- not unlike Sif -- but in trusting that there's something good in him -- very much unlike Sif, and the overwhelming majority of Asgard. It's the same naïve faith in him that Thor once held... until Loki made a point to squash it. Multiple times.
Herein lies the final bridge anyone is likely to offer him and his instinctive reaction, once it's been nearly crossed, is to burn it.
Eyes closing, he inhales through his teeth and stops, just-- stops his tongue from sabotaging himself. His thumb and index finger, rubbing against each other, eventually still; his hand relaxes. There's something like resignation on his face and in his sigh when he meets her gaze again. ]
That doesn't change anything. [ His voice lowers a fraction. ] The atrocities they've committed. They're right there in those ancient pages -- on the tongue of every parent reciting a cautionary tale to their child before bed.
[ Sadly, he doesn't even note the irony of the statement against his own actions. ]
[Of course there's good in him. Loki might try to keep his softer side buried but she's seen it. She's felt it. He can lie to himself all he wants...but he can't lie to an empath. And if anyone understands second chances, it's Wanda.]
And what do you think they tell their children about you? Your people were at war so long...
[Wanda shakes her head. She knows how this works. Sokovia's changed hands many times over the past century and still people hate each other because it's just what they're used to.
Her voice is low to make sure they're not overheard, but there's no less conviction in it.]
You are yourself. You're not responsible for anything they did.
[ It's not quite guilt, this shame of his. His scheme of genocide, act of patricide -- an externalized form of self-hatred for the race he grew up regarding as monsters. If the Frost Giants cease to exist, well, they're simply one more enemy that Asgard has obliterated, one less threat to the realms, and no longer a breathing reminder of Loki's damned blood. He could've started the gears of dissociation, allow time to corrode the Asgardian memories of the Frost Giants as it did to the Dark Elves, but Thor...
...and Odin.
Their resistance to the plan still flabbergasts him.
As does Wanda's dogged reassurances. I am glad you found me. Her voice is as clear in his memory as the night she said so profound a remark. Recalling it now, Loki furrows his brows and parts his lips to speak, but the words of retaliation don't come. Instead, his shoulders droop in defeat. ]
You know, sometimes I've no idea what to do with you.
[Love me. The response comes unbidden to Wanda's mind, surprising even her, but of course she can't say that. It wouldn't be fair to either of them.
But the fondness in Wanda's smile still hints at the possibility of more. She won't laugh at him - she is capable of being gracious in victory if the situation calls for it, and this hardly seems like a teasing matter. She'll reassure Loki as much as it takes until he can believe that she truly does care for him, that she doesn't think he's a monster.
She is his. He is hers. For Wanda, it's as simple as that.]
[ See, that's just it -- more has already begun without any intentional decision on his part. Earlier, he elected to harden his heart? Because Wanda has already gotten her fingers into it. She's more than his initial assessment of a potential asset. He can tell himself that she's still a risk, but the sentiment behind it lacks bite. She's his student, the reality of which still strikes him as odd sometimes, when he quietly watches her struggle with theory or direct her scarlet like a symphonic conductor. She's a breath of fresh air in the otherwise heavy routine of helping Asgard regain her footing under the guise of the Allfather.
And the root of all these offshoots is the pairing of her soul to his own. Does he love her for it? No, and he shouldn't -- not just because the universe decided on her. When he was young and ignorant, Loki scoffed at the idea of allowing fate to bind him to another -- until he realized, so many decades later at the foot of those stairs in the vault with Odin feebly towering above him, that perhaps there wasn't anyone the fates would subject to him.
Oh, how the grass is greener on the other side.
No, Wanda hasn't found purchase in his heart because she is his soulmate. Rather, its condition simply got her foot in the door. She has pushed against him, but never away. She respects his intimate knowledge of Asgardian sorcery, but neither grovels nor dismisses. Their time together has rekindled a sense of solicitude that Loki thought he'd lost in Frigga's death. He thought wrong, of course -- still caring for Thor in a twisted sense of brotherly love whilst denying it, particularly to himself -- but to open himself to Wanda this much, frustratingly slow though it may be -- speaks volumes to the fact that she has proven herself something of an equal to him.
Pompous, he doesn't consciously consider anyone his equal -- but Thor is quite nearly there. So, too, is Wanda, the relevancy of which is thus: Loki cannot love someone he doesn't consider a threat. It's a distorted flavor of respect, but respect nonetheless.
Without admitting it, Wanda has his -- and more. A tenuously hopeful curiosity smolders within his chest, that she would educate herself on the sins of the Frost Giants and then snap the link that binds them to him. He can try to explain it away as Midgardian ignorance, but there it is again -- that excruciating desire to trust.
The cautious willingness to do it.
His gaze idly drifts to the pie in his smaller, slender hand, considering their next step, still processing the weight of her stance. ]
... Now that you're fully recovered, we ought to divert some of your studies away from texts. [ He glances at Wanda askew, the hint of a smile in his eyes. ] Would you accompany me to Alfheim?
[How could she ever turn away from him? Everything else she's cared for has been taken from her. She can't just let Loki go because he isn't the easiest person to love. Under his tutelage (and friendship), her relationship with her powers has shifted, and with them her heart has opened to him.
Wanda has come to love him, in all his humor, patience, and unexpected kindness - even his prickliness has become endearing. He's never made her feel monstrous, and she wants to give him the same emotional safe harbor he's given her. She hasn't felt so whole since before Pietro's death.
Wanda cannot love with any less than her whole heart. If she gives in - and she wants to give in so badly - there won't be any coming back.]
I'd love to see Alfheim with you. It sounds like a beautiful place. [Her smile widens.] But this is more than just a vacation?
[ That she rolls with the change in subject is something he's grateful for. He needs some Alone Man Time to digest. ]
I imagine, [ he says, and the smile is reaching his lips now, ] your tutors would be a touch unimpressed were you to jump from recovery to vacation. However, Alfheim is ripe with magic of all sorts and you are studying the arts...
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So when, while waiting for Wanda to gather herself for a trip into the city, the sight of a tome on different worlds and races known intimately (and bitterly) to him catches his eye, his lips press into a thin line. He doesn't need to confirm what subject that ribbon is bookmarking, having revisited it several times himself. Of course she'd look into it -- and without him, at that. Still, it isn't betrayal he feels, but the ever-present bitterness associated with his ancestry and the sense of inevitability.
Yet he is the image of propriety when they depart, with a golden braid draped over one shoulder and an empty, woven bag over the other, and a polite smile fixed upon the slender face of Wanda Maximoff's handmaiden. As they pass beneath the last of the palace's arches, he asks, ] Have your tutors deemed you adequate enough to increase the pace, then?
[ His tone is light, almost teasing. ]
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She emerges from her chambers a little breathless from adjusting her corset and takes Loki's arm as she usually does. She doesn't even notice that the book is out and visible as they leave.]
I think they have learned they were wrong. They're almost nice to me now.
[That Thor decided to take her with him to Muspelheim over any Asgardian spoke volumes, and that she'd survived the trip spoke more. Her tutors have been much kinder since the Incident, and Wanda doesn't want to admit it, but over time it's become much easier to sift through an Asgardian's mind. She doesn't need breaks as frequently and she's starting to learn the language on her own.]
We should stop by a fruit stall. [Wanda continues on like nothing's wrong, because as far as she's concerned, nothing has changed. She read a book, but Loki is still Loki, still her soulmate.] I think I want to bake cookies soon.
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Instead, he continues walking without batting an eyelid to Wanda's hold around his arm and replies with a flippant, ] You Midgardians and your sweets. What's the occasion?
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[Wanda shrugs, as nonchalant as ever. It's not as if the average Asgardian doesn't have a sweet tooth.]
And it has been awhile since I was able to cook.
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But she doesn't move away from Loki. It's just a book, she's allowed to take advantage of the library, and there's no point injecting unspoken accusations when there's no real reason for her to feel guilty. Reading a book isn't a crime.]
I think I need to know more about the other realms. I almost died because I didn't know where Thor was taking me.
[It's not exactly smooth, but it's not 100% a lie either. Wanda may have originally picked up that title to read about the jotnar, but she also read the chapters on Alfheim and got halfway through the material on Vanaheim.]
Is Alfheim as pretty as it is in the pictures?
[It was an innocent enough question. No need to be worried unless he tries to corner her about the Jotunheim chapters.]
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It... bothers him, potentially more than the fact that she went behind his back to research the jotun, though he can't mentally articulate why. By all accounts, omission of truth is a wise tactic against someone known as the God of Lies.
But Alfheim. He doesn't skip a beat, purposefully curving his lips into a light smile. Despite his annoyance, he speaks with genuine fondness. ]
Illustrations do not do it justice. You've seen it described as a paradise, haven't you? The springs run with champagne and the night sky glistens like jewels strewn across velvet. [ He glances down, catching Wanda's eye with a sly glimmer in his own. ] One might caution you against ever visiting, Lady Maximoff. You may never wish to return.
[ Not leave, but return. Oh, how accustomed to her presence he's become. ]
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[She'd thought 'the springs run with champagne' was just hyperbole...but then again, there's apparently Asgardian spring water that is stronger than the most potent Earth alcohol. Wanda had thought they were just trying to pull a fast one on the Midgardian but they were actually telling the truth.
She sighs, and were they alone (and Loki his normal height), she might have briefly rested her head on his shoulder for this quiet admission. As it is, she draws a little closer.] I already want to stay.
[But that's not possible, right? Eventually she will have to return to Earth, as much as Wanda tries not to think about it. This is Loki's home. She can't start to feel like it could be hers, too.
Thankfully, the scent of something delicious pulls Wanda from her thoughts. Something baked, although Wanda can barely see the cause behind the family crowding the stall. The kids are already starting to push each other to be first for one of the handpies.]
I don't think I've tried that yet... [Wanda looks back to Loki and grins, gently tugging his arm. Kids will be kids. Whatever. She can wait her turn.] Come on.
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When she draws his attention to the stall, he merely arches his brow in faint distaste of the rowdy children, but allows himself to be ushered closer. It doesn't matter that he used to be quite rowdy himself -- though Thor outshone him there, too. ]
You really ought to get out more. [ The handpies are just one of several culinary highlights strewn along the market stalls -- though he's one to talk, not having indulged himself for... years, now that he thinks about it.
There's a distant sort of discontent in that realization. ]
Gunnar, Astrid!
[ The children may or may not be Gunnar and Astrid from the way they completely disregard the woman who sharply called their names. Loki leans his head in toward Wanda, whispering, ] Looks like they've just about driven her to wits' end.
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[Wanda grins, blissfully unaware of Loki's darker inner monologue as she leads him to the stall. It doesn't sting so much to joke about that now that walking around her chambers isn't a serious struggle.
She inclines her head towards Loki, unable to hide a wince of sympathy.]
And this is before suga--
[In that split second Wanda was distracted, the boy shoves his sister out of the way and accidentally pushes her directly into Wanda. Thankfully, she has a good enough hold on Loki's arm that she only staggers a little. Asgardians are heavy.
The mother looks mortified, edging on the kind of anger that makes saying something you'll regret infinitely easier. By now, everyone knows about the red witch, that she's one of the prince's battle companions and a guest of the crown. It's bad enough that her kids have been unruly terrors all day, but now...
Wanda's smile has since turned sheepish - did she almost get knocked over by a kid? Still, she helps Astrid steady herself.]
Careful. Are you all right?
[Astrid nods, the picture of wounded dignity...for about 0.5 seconds before she lunges back at her brother to retaliate. They both hit the side of the stall and the vendor's smile turns strained.
Wanda can feel the exact second the mother loses every last shred of her remaining patience. This time, when she shouts 'That's enough!' the children hear something in her voice that makes them stop.]
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If you are to act like savages, then perhaps you would like to join the ones on Jotunheim.
[ Astrid seems to hesitate, but Gunnar pumps his free fist in the air with defiant enthusiasm. ] I'll kill 'em!
They'll kill you, [ Astrid scoffs. ]
Nay, sister, not if we take them together!
They will take the both of you, [ says their mother, turning her back on them with the thread to leave. ] For their dinner.
Bit scrawny for that, [ says the vendor, playing along in a bored tone. ] Your bones might be big enough to pick their teeth, though.
[ The children both seem to waver, but when their mother doesn't stop or look back, they both shove off each other and bolt toward her, squabbling as they disappear into the market crowds. Sighing, the vendor shakes his head, then puts on a smile for Wanda and Loki. ]
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These thoughts are close to the surface and Wanda doesn't have to look far to almost wish she hadn't. They eat babies. They're savages, primitive and brutish. They have no soulmates. That final thought snaps her back to herself with an intake of breath that could almost pass for a reaction to the scene playing out in front of her.
Thank goodness for her sleeve; no one will see the way Wanda's thumb rubs against Loki's forearm in some vain attempt to soothe him from the insult. She knows it likely won't do any good, but it seems important to remind him that not everyone thinks that way.
His soulmate doesn't at least.
Wanda finds her voice a moment later, and luckily, any awkwardness in her smile can likely be chalked up to being caught in the middle of the childrens' tantrum.]
Two of those pies, please.
[Wanda manages to get the necessary coins without fumbling. She'll call that a win.]
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What else could this be but an attempt to comfort? Why? Pity, he decides, and hardens his heart. Only after the purchase concludes and they've taken several steps away from the table does he break his silence. ]
You delved into their thoughts, didn't you, [ he murmurs; it is not a question. The book -- to learn more. An opportunity to learn in the moment -- how could she pass it up? ]
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I wanted to understand.
[All she's found is that there's no reason beyond habit; Asgard and Jotunheim had been at peace for centuries after the last war. It's just bile now, a poison, and maybe this is why Wanda keeps getting the impression that she was too late. Once he'd learned of his heritage, Loki must have been convinced she didn't exist until he'd stumbled upon her.]
I still don't.
[It seems like many cultures consider the soulmate bond almost sacred, and to deny its existence completely...that takes a deeply ingrained level of hatred. Some part of her wants to rip that awful lie away from everyone so that Loki might never hear it spoken again...but a lifetime's damage is still done.]
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Not everything they say is true. Just hate beyond what makes sense.
[She's here, isn't she? And Loki is no monster as far as Wanda's concerned. Why wouldn't she question the prevailing Asgardian theories? She understands that the two kingdoms have a history, but it felt like the woman's disdain for the jotnar was almost reflexive.]
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He exhales the ghost of a laugh, lips briefly drawn in a tight smile. ]
Because you're suddenly the authority on the matter.
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If they were, I wouldn't exist.
[She holds his gaze steadily, refusing to back down. He doesn't get to go on believing everyone thinks he's a monster.]
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Herein lies the final bridge anyone is likely to offer him and his instinctive reaction, once it's been nearly crossed, is to burn it.
Eyes closing, he inhales through his teeth and stops, just-- stops his tongue from sabotaging himself. His thumb and index finger, rubbing against each other, eventually still; his hand relaxes. There's something like resignation on his face and in his sigh when he meets her gaze again. ]
That doesn't change anything. [ His voice lowers a fraction. ] The atrocities they've committed. They're right there in those ancient pages -- on the tongue of every parent reciting a cautionary tale to their child before bed.
[ Sadly, he doesn't even note the irony of the statement against his own actions. ]
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And what do you think they tell their children about you? Your people were at war so long...
[Wanda shakes her head. She knows how this works. Sokovia's changed hands many times over the past century and still people hate each other because it's just what they're used to.
Her voice is low to make sure they're not overheard, but there's no less conviction in it.]
You are yourself. You're not responsible for anything they did.
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...and Odin.
Their resistance to the plan still flabbergasts him.
As does Wanda's dogged reassurances. I am glad you found me. Her voice is as clear in his memory as the night she said so profound a remark. Recalling it now, Loki furrows his brows and parts his lips to speak, but the words of retaliation don't come. Instead, his shoulders droop in defeat. ]
You know, sometimes I've no idea what to do with you.
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But the fondness in Wanda's smile still hints at the possibility of more. She won't laugh at him - she is capable of being gracious in victory if the situation calls for it, and this hardly seems like a teasing matter. She'll reassure Loki as much as it takes until he can believe that she truly does care for him, that she doesn't think he's a monster.
She is his. He is hers. For Wanda, it's as simple as that.]
Eat your pie.
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And the root of all these offshoots is the pairing of her soul to his own. Does he love her for it? No, and he shouldn't -- not just because the universe decided on her. When he was young and ignorant, Loki scoffed at the idea of allowing fate to bind him to another -- until he realized, so many decades later at the foot of those stairs in the vault with Odin feebly towering above him, that perhaps there wasn't anyone the fates would subject to him.
Oh, how the grass is greener on the other side.
No, Wanda hasn't found purchase in his heart because she is his soulmate. Rather, its condition simply got her foot in the door. She has pushed against him, but never away. She respects his intimate knowledge of Asgardian sorcery, but neither grovels nor dismisses. Their time together has rekindled a sense of solicitude that Loki thought he'd lost in Frigga's death. He thought wrong, of course -- still caring for Thor in a twisted sense of brotherly love whilst denying it, particularly to himself -- but to open himself to Wanda this much, frustratingly slow though it may be -- speaks volumes to the fact that she has proven herself something of an equal to him.
Pompous, he doesn't consciously consider anyone his equal -- but Thor is quite nearly there. So, too, is Wanda, the relevancy of which is thus: Loki cannot love someone he doesn't consider a threat. It's a distorted flavor of respect, but respect nonetheless.
Without admitting it, Wanda has his -- and more. A tenuously hopeful curiosity smolders within his chest, that she would educate herself on the sins of the Frost Giants and then snap the link that binds them to him. He can try to explain it away as Midgardian ignorance, but there it is again -- that excruciating desire to trust.
The cautious willingness to do it.
His gaze idly drifts to the pie in his smaller, slender hand, considering their next step, still processing the weight of her stance. ]
... Now that you're fully recovered, we ought to divert some of your studies away from texts. [ He glances at Wanda askew, the hint of a smile in his eyes. ] Would you accompany me to Alfheim?
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Wanda has come to love him, in all his humor, patience, and unexpected kindness - even his prickliness has become endearing. He's never made her feel monstrous, and she wants to give him the same emotional safe harbor he's given her. She hasn't felt so whole since before Pietro's death.
Wanda cannot love with any less than her whole heart. If she gives in - and she wants to give in so badly - there won't be any coming back.]
I'd love to see Alfheim with you. It sounds like a beautiful place. [Her smile widens.] But this is more than just a vacation?
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I imagine, [ he says, and the smile is reaching his lips now, ] your tutors would be a touch unimpressed were you to jump from recovery to vacation. However, Alfheim is ripe with magic of all sorts and you are studying the arts...
[ Yeah, it's a vacation. ]
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keywords super relevant
♥
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pity for anyone but himself? inconceivable
let her have her dreams
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I'm so sorry, I've either had migraine brain or soup for brains
no worries
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omg sorry!!!
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