seeingscarlet | open RP post

Change. [ The word comes out like acid. ] Is that all?

[ Head cocked, he dares her to confess the revulsion he so stubbornly anticipates -- the disgust within the society he was raised -- within himself. The expected is a twisted comfort that provides him with excuses to lash out and think so poorly of others even as it stings -- no matter how much his pride would like to claim otherwise. ]

You were still yourself. And you are always beautiful to me.

[There's a quiet seriousness to her tone that leaves little room for deception and Wanda takes an unconscious step forward. She's not joking. His anger (and more importantly, his pain) has pushed her to reveal more of her own feelings than she might have otherwise. It hurts to see him like this. Wanda just wants to make it stop.]

[ Loki physically recoils, dumbstruck not by her words but the sincerity behind them. How quick he'd be to retort sarcastically if this were Sif; the sentiment would be different, barbed. He knows how to work with spite, flourishes in it -- but this. This vulnerability, this situation, this girl -- just a girl, just a Midgardian, an oddity, a soulmate, his soulmate--

The conflict is too potent to filter; it twists his features, brow furrowed, lips parted. There's something in his throat -- hope? Oh no, he can't-- Not now.

The smile he offers her is just as feeble as his rebuttal. ]

You think you can deceive the God of Lies.

[ Please. ]

No.

[Oh, Loki. He's lied so well and for so long he can't even tell when he's lying to himself.

Wanda takes another step forward, both hands tentatively extended. She doesn't need her powers to see how conflicted he is when it's so obvious in his demeanor, and the reciprocal ache she feels is relentlessly pulling her to him. Touch changed him back in the dream...maybe it will soothe him in the waking world.

It's always helped Wanda when she's been this worked up, anyway.]

You know better than that.

[ He sucks in and holds his next breath, lips pressed together in an effort to steady himself. An edge has just been crossed, an inevitable fall he has resisted for years -- to trust, to expose. It doesn't feel right -- no, it fills him with an almost nauseating trepidation -- but it doesn't feel wrong. Oh, she could be playing him. She could be the one to take advantage. She could do this or that, but damn it he wants to believe her.

Exhaling, Loki cautiously extends his palm to meet her, fingers trembling. ]

One would think.

[Wanda beams and squeezes his hand gently. It's a fragile, precious trust and a larger step than any they've taken since she decided not to tell Thor about him. But she cares for him (how, she's not sure) and this is enough.]

When Novi Grad fell, I was sure you were dead. So many were. [Her voice is quiet and her gaze has dropped to their joined hands. She had been in so much pain back then that she had been absolutely certain her soulmate's death had been part of the package. Where else would he have been?]

Do you know how happy I was to be wrong?

[ His heart lurches at their contact. Every fiber of his being had still expected rejection, ridicule, the basis of such fear steeped in both reality and perceived truth. He returns the squeeze with the sort of grip that isn't entirely certain of the situation and so holds on just a little tighter than necessary.

Loki could and would over-analyze every little detail moving forward, but he very desperately, very uncharacteristically wishes not to think at all right now. This development, this... thing happening here, between their touch, her smile, the mutual vulnerability -- it's simply overwhelming, and he is suddenly, keenly aware of how tired and mentally unequipped he is to rationally think through it.

But maybe with her, right here, right now, that's okay.

So he turns away from the tendrils of suspicion wondering what ulterior motive Wanda might have when she speaks. He doesn't try to predict where the conversation might go. He simply listens and cracks a faint smile after her question. ]

You didn't seem particularly overjoyed.

[It's easier to not think too much right now. Their bond has always remained an unspoken pull between them but nothing they've ever tried to discuss. Wanda's never even tried to classify her feelings. Is it love? It's certainly fondness, and it defies all reason, but up until now it's simply been. It never needed a name.]

I am on a different planet and you were supposed to be dead. It was...a lot, at first.

[She manages a faint smile. Loki's grip is almost painfully tight, but Wanda squeezes his hand again as she looks up to meet his gaze.]

But I...I am glad you found me.

[Some would call this madness, and Wanda has no way of knowing what might come of indulging it. But after everything she's lost, she can't lose him too. Not as long as there's even a tiny speck of hope.]

Edited 2018-04-15 01:45 (UTC)

[ His intent was to tease, but the innocuous defense actually helps Loki to feel a bit more at ease. It means she honestly isn't in his head.

His grip relaxes. ]

You don't know how much that means to me, [ he murmurs, and there isn't a single lie in any of it -- the words, the raw sincerity, or the way he looks at her, brow furrowed just the titch. At this point in his life -- and possibly the remainder of it -- she might be the only one to feel that way. ]

[Wanda's smile softens and something in her heart she hadn't realized was tense relaxes. It's a different feeling, but a good one, like this is the way things should be.

She can't resist reaching up to cup his cheek again.]

I am not going to leave you, Loki.

[This is another truth - she'll oppose him if she has to, if he absolutely pushes her to the edge to make that choice, but she couldn't give up on him.]

[ The corners of his lips quirk with a fleeting smile. He appreciates the sentiment, but can't help immediately doubting it. Oh, she may completely mean it in the moment, in the upcoming days, maybe even weeks, but if there's one thing Loki can absolutely count on in anyone -- regardless of his faults, his pushing -- it is to leave him.

It's how he wound up in Asgard to begin with.

But there's no sense in verbalizing it. ]

Now, now, [ is what he says instead, taking a half step forward to place his palm against her shoulder blade and ignore the glimmering ice in his periphery, ] Let's take this step-wise. You, for instance, need to sleep.

[ As does he. ]

So do you. [Especially when someone as tired as Wanda is can see it. She's sure it was a complete accident that he'd fallen asleep on her couch.

Wanda reluctantly lets her hand fall from Loki's cheek, but she knows he's right. She can't even stifle a yawn a few seconds later. Clearly she has more recovering to do before she'll be back to normal.

But at least he isn't so angry at her anymore, otherwise she'd likely spend all night staring at the ceiling and inwardly berating herself for ruining everything.]

We will finish this tomorrow, then?

[She waves a hand and floats the book they were discussing to safety from where it had fallen. Oops.]

[ His eyes follow the book's path and return to Wanda after it settles. With a gentle touch, he scoops her hand into his palm and gives her a reassuring squeeze. ]

Certainly.

[ Anxiety and doubt will rear their heads once he's got more wits about him, to be sure, but tonight has provided enough weight to keep him from jumping ship.

Both hands fall to his sides, fingers in a relaxed curl. ]

Good night, Wanda.

[She squeezes his hand gently in response. Baby steps. Tomorrow is another day, and maybe they'll both feel less awkward.]

Sleep well, Loki.

[She means it, and she wishes she could do something, anything, to keep his nightmares away if they come back tonight. But a line has already been crossed, so Wanda doesn't offer.

She falls asleep not long after her head hits the pillow.]

[ The following day brings new doubt nipping at his heels, but Wanda does him the courtesy of falling back to their normal routine and the whispers of suspicion fade just the more with every sunset. Neither party broaches the topic of what she witnessed in that dream. Loki isn't ungrateful, but the lack of resolution does gnaw at him. From the beginning, he'd assumed that all of his (known) faults had been exposed by Thor, but Wanda's lack of reaction to his jotun body called into question what she'd actually heard from Thor. Surely she would have been repulsed, if not by the image, then the history behind them.

So when, while waiting for Wanda to gather herself for a trip into the city, the sight of a tome on different worlds and races known intimately (and bitterly) to him catches his eye, his lips press into a thin line. He doesn't need to confirm what subject that ribbon is bookmarking, having revisited it several times himself. Of course she'd look into it -- and without him, at that. Still, it isn't betrayal he feels, but the ever-present bitterness associated with his ancestry and the sense of inevitability.

Yet he is the image of propriety when they depart, with a golden braid draped over one shoulder and an empty, woven bag over the other, and a polite smile fixed upon the slender face of Wanda Maximoff's handmaiden. As they pass beneath the last of the palace's arches, he asks, ] Have your tutors deemed you adequate enough to increase the pace, then?

[ His tone is light, almost teasing. ]

[Wanda's in a bit of a hurry to get ready, otherwise she wouldn't have carelessly left the book out. The level of self-hatred Loki had shown the other night had to come from somewhere, and it only took a few days of waffling before Wanda went looking for answers. She couldn't ask Loki directly, not when he's graciously let the matter of her poking in his dreams drop. She's upset him enough...but the palace library had to have something enlightening on the jotnar, and ideally Loki would never have needed to know.

She emerges from her chambers a little breathless from adjusting her corset and takes Loki's arm as she usually does. She doesn't even notice that the book is out and visible as they leave.]

I think they have learned they were wrong. They're almost nice to me now.

[That Thor decided to take her with him to Muspelheim over any Asgardian spoke volumes, and that she'd survived the trip spoke more. Her tutors have been much kinder since the Incident, and Wanda doesn't want to admit it, but over time it's become much easier to sift through an Asgardian's mind. She doesn't need breaks as frequently and she's starting to learn the language on her own.]

We should stop by a fruit stall. [Wanda continues on like nothing's wrong, because as far as she's concerned, nothing has changed. She read a book, but Loki is still Loki, still her soulmate.] I think I want to bake cookies soon.

[ In response to the 'almost nice' comment, he lets out a noncommittal hum. She doesn't seem to realize that he'd noticed the book, but he's got that pointed, passive aggressive patience to suss it out.

Instead, he continues walking without batting an eyelid to Wanda's hold around his arm and replies with a flippant, ] You Midgardians and your sweets. What's the occasion?

It's spring. There should be different fruits now.

[Wanda shrugs, as nonchalant as ever. It's not as if the average Asgardian doesn't have a sweet tooth.]

And it has been awhile since I was able to cook.

Ah, [ he starts, injecting a soft sense of realization into his fairer voice and glancing at Wanda to assess her body language. ] Is that why you're now studying different cultures? To look for new recipes?

[It's such a strange question to follow that at first, Wanda's confused. What is he-- oh no. Where did she leave the book again?

But she doesn't move away from Loki. It's just a book, she's allowed to take advantage of the library, and there's no point injecting unspoken accusations when there's no real reason for her to feel guilty. Reading a book isn't a crime.]

I think I need to know more about the other realms. I almost died because I didn't know where Thor was taking me.

[It's not exactly smooth, but it's not 100% a lie either. Wanda may have originally picked up that title to read about the jotnar, but she also read the chapters on Alfheim and got halfway through the material on Vanaheim.]

Is Alfheim as pretty as it is in the pictures?

[It was an innocent enough question. No need to be worried unless he tries to corner her about the Jotunheim chapters.]

[ There's a slight furrow to his brow when she alludes to the incident with Muspelheim, but his expression smooths over as she continues onto the subject of Alfheim. A compelling and likely honest reason for the book, but Loki doubts that she's being entirely forthcoming.

It... bothers him, potentially more than the fact that she went behind his back to research the jotun, though he can't mentally articulate why. By all accounts, omission of truth is a wise tactic against someone known as the God of Lies.

But Alfheim. He doesn't skip a beat, purposefully curving his lips into a light smile. Despite his annoyance, he speaks with genuine fondness. ]

Illustrations do not do it justice. You've seen it described as a paradise, haven't you? The springs run with champagne and the night sky glistens like jewels strewn across velvet. [ He glances down, catching Wanda's eye with a sly glimmer in his own. ] One might caution you against ever visiting, Lady Maximoff. You may never wish to return.

[ Not leave, but return. Oh, how accustomed to her presence he's become. ]

They weren't exaggerating?

[She'd thought 'the springs run with champagne' was just hyperbole...but then again, there's apparently Asgardian spring water that is stronger than the most potent Earth alcohol. Wanda had thought they were just trying to pull a fast one on the Midgardian but they were actually telling the truth.

She sighs, and were they alone (and Loki his normal height), she might have briefly rested her head on his shoulder for this quiet admission. As it is, she draws a little closer.] I already want to stay.

[But that's not possible, right? Eventually she will have to return to Earth, as much as Wanda tries not to think about it. This is Loki's home. She can't start to feel like it could be hers, too.

Thankfully, the scent of something delicious pulls Wanda from her thoughts. Something baked, although Wanda can barely see the cause behind the family crowding the stall. The kids are already starting to push each other to be first for one of the handpies.]

I don't think I've tried that yet... [Wanda looks back to Loki and grins, gently tugging his arm. Kids will be kids. Whatever. She can wait her turn.] Come on.

[ With a sudden prick of irritation, he wonders if she would draw so close if she knew anything worthwhile about the jotuns. If she'd still want to stay. Perhaps she hasn't gotten that far into their chapters yet.

When she draws his attention to the stall, he merely arches his brow in faint distaste of the rowdy children, but allows himself to be ushered closer. It doesn't matter that he used to be quite rowdy himself -- though Thor outshone him there, too. ]

You really ought to get out more. [ The handpies are just one of several culinary highlights strewn along the market stalls -- though he's one to talk, not having indulged himself for... years, now that he thinks about it.

There's a distant sort of discontent in that realization. ]

Gunnar, Astrid!

[ The children may or may not be Gunnar and Astrid from the way they completely disregard the woman who sharply called their names. Loki leans his head in toward Wanda, whispering, ] Looks like they've just about driven her to wits' end.

Maybe I should. And I do have the best guide in Asgard...

[Wanda grins, blissfully unaware of Loki's darker inner monologue as she leads him to the stall. It doesn't sting so much to joke about that now that walking around her chambers isn't a serious struggle.

She inclines her head towards Loki, unable to hide a wince of sympathy.]

And this is before suga--

[In that split second Wanda was distracted, the boy shoves his sister out of the way and accidentally pushes her directly into Wanda. Thankfully, she has a good enough hold on Loki's arm that she only staggers a little. Asgardians are heavy.

The mother looks mortified, edging on the kind of anger that makes saying something you'll regret infinitely easier. By now, everyone knows about the red witch, that she's one of the prince's battle companions and a guest of the crown. It's bad enough that her kids have been unruly terrors all day, but now...

Wanda's smile has since turned sheepish - did she almost get knocked over by a kid? Still, she helps Astrid steady herself.]

Careful. Are you all right?

[Astrid nods, the picture of wounded dignity...for about 0.5 seconds before she lunges back at her brother to retaliate. They both hit the side of the stall and the vendor's smile turns strained.

Wanda can feel the exact second the mother loses every last shred of her remaining patience. This time, when she shouts 'That's enough!' the children hear something in her voice that makes them stop.]

Edited 2018-04-26 05:45 (UTC)

[ The woman draws herself to her fullest height -- taller than both Wanda and "Loki" -- and stares down at the siblings with a look that every governess worldwide would commend. The frustration in her voice is replaced by a stony steadiness that every child is genetically programmed to understand as 'you done fucked up'. ]

If you are to act like savages, then perhaps you would like to join the ones on Jotunheim.

[ Astrid seems to hesitate, but Gunnar pumps his free fist in the air with defiant enthusiasm. ] I'll kill 'em!

They'll kill you, [ Astrid scoffs. ]

Nay, sister, not if we take them together!

They will take the both of you, [ says their mother, turning her back on them with the thread to leave. ] For their dinner.

Bit scrawny for that, [ says the vendor, playing along in a bored tone. ] Your bones might be big enough to pick their teeth, though.

[ The children both seem to waver, but when their mother doesn't stop or look back, they both shove off each other and bolt toward her, squabbling as they disappear into the market crowds. Sighing, the vendor shakes his head, then puts on a smile for Wanda and Loki. ]

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