seeingscarlet: (girl; 137)
Wanda Maximoff ([personal profile] seeingscarlet) wrote2024-08-16 08:11 am
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gotaholdonme: (1)

[personal profile] gotaholdonme 2018-07-13 05:26 pm (UTC)(link)
She's got a far away look on her face, her eyes a little glazed over. There are voices in the distance, she can hear them whispering words of reassurance, but she can't quite grasp them. All she can really concentrate on is blood, blood, blood.

But no, there's more than that. Not much bu there's a touch, and the voice again and she knows it might be lying, knows that there could be so much more pain and bleeding but it says otherwise.

We're fine.

"We're fine," Loki makes her mouth form the words, though she can't quite push sound out. Still, it's just enough to make her eyes focus in again, looking at Wanda with a hesitant expression.

"We're fine?"
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[personal profile] gotaholdonme 2018-07-13 06:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Loki relaxes a little, her body slowly starting to lose the tension that had struck her. Her fingers find Wanda's hand again, holding on as she lets her breathing slow down and her mind get lost in the physical sensations of Wanda around her, rather than the ghosts of blood and pain that keep trying to rise up again.

She's not very good at thinking of the future, of what happens when Wanda leaves, of what she will be returning to. It's hard to even remember there's more to the world than the two of them. This? It feels like everything.

"Stay," she says, echoing the word and trying it out on her tongue all at once. "Stay with me." Then she's nodding, nuzzling at Wanda and wrapping her arm around the other woman, holding on as if somehow she could pull them both out of here if she just held on long enough.

"Stay," she says again. "I'll stay if you stay? Together, maybe?"
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[personal profile] gotaholdonme 2018-07-14 03:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Loki is hungry for it as well, the feeling of someone touching her, of the feeling of warmth and kindness and comfort. Just having that even for a few precious moments is so good, so wonderful she is almost dizzy with it.

The feeling of Wanda's presence in her mind isn't heavy, it's not thick and crushing and troubling. Wanda feels much more like a light blanket thrown over her. It's a promise and a reminder and she clings a little tighter because this feels so much better than the normal stirrings in her mind.

"Thank you," she whispers. She's not entirely sure what she's thanking Wanda for but she wants her to know she's grateful. Loki would give her something if she could but she has nothing here. So, she does what she can, hoping it would be enough.

She shifts just a little, gently brushing her lips against Wanda's, whispering as she does so. "I'll be yours. For whatever you need, I can belong to you."

She has nothing else to give, so she offers herself.
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[personal profile] gotaholdonme 2018-07-14 10:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Loki nods, eyes shutting at the gentle touch. "Yes? Yes. Yes, please?" There's a hitch in her voice, a pleasing that she doesn't even bother to try and hide. "Please?"

She wants this more than she's wanted anything in what feels like forever. Wanda makes her feel a little closer to being a person, a little closer to being safe. She wants to belong to this woman, to be claimed and cared for and do what she can in return to earn that. She doesn't know what she can do to help but anything Wanda wants, Loki will move stars to give it to her.

At least, she'll try. She'll try until there's nothing left of hero to make the effort. She'll try until the universe is sweeping up the dust she had come from.
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[personal profile] gotaholdonme 2018-07-15 01:43 am (UTC)(link)
"I--" She hesitates for a long moment, not because she has doubts but because she's not sure if Wanda even wants her at this point. A part of her realizes this is something possibly more complicated than Loki initially thought and maybe jumping in head first, when they're both in this place might not be the best plan.

After all, she's asking her to take on a lot. She's asking to be taken with her jagged edges and broken parts and yet, this woman who she barely knows isn't actually turning her away, at least not outright.

Shit, is she terrible for this?

Loki swallows, sucking in a breath through clenched teeth. "I'm sorry," she finally says. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to--" But she has no idea what she wanted to say there.

"You're my friend," she finally offers. "That can be enough? maybe? We can make it be enough."
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[personal profile] gotaholdonme 2018-07-15 04:35 am (UTC)(link)
Loki stills when Wanda's fingertips find her lips. She barely even breaths as she processes what's happening. It's comfort, yes, and more than that, it's not denial. It's not a punishment or a breaking of what fragile kindness she's gotten so far.

She reaches out with everything she has, physically and mentally clinging on as much as she can. Yes, it may be the trauma speaking, at least a little, but part of this is Loki's strong desire to have someone to trust again, someone she can depend on and who can depend on her. She wants to be more than a tool, she wants to feel like more than something to be torn and broken down and made to do what is instructed of her.

She nods, picking her head up, her mouth finding Wanda's once again, this time a little more sure than before. "Light," she whispers her voice sounding like a confession. "Light in the dark. But not firelight, never firelight, more like...Like sun. Warm and promising you'll survive. We'll survive. We'll keep going."
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[personal profile] gotaholdonme 2018-07-15 07:09 pm (UTC)(link)
"You too," she mumbles, picking her head up to catch Wanda's eye. "Take what you can. Use it. I want--" She pauses for a moment, trying to figure out what it is exactly she's trying to say.

"I want to be good to you," Loki finally says. "I want to give you light too."

She settles back in again, closing her eyes once more and listens to the sound of Wanda breathing, of her own heartbeat, and revels in the momentary peace.

Something in her brain is telling her it won't last, so she should enjoy it while she can.
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[personal profile] gotaholdonme 2018-07-15 08:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Loki tenses as the door opens, her eyes going wide and her body stiff. She knew, she knew with everything inside her that this would not last. It was impossible for her to keep good things, they just slipped through her fingers.

Even so, she shifts a little, putting herself more in front of Wanda in a way that might make it at least slightly more difficult for them to take her away. If she wanted to go of her own volition, that was one thing, but no one should be able to drag her away without a fight.

But then they're talking and if Loki had been standing, she would have gone weak at the knees.

"You don't have to," she whispers. "You can go, go where you need to go. Go with your brother again." She doesn't know if she herself has siblings but she feels like, if she did, she'd want to be near them if they were all stuck in this place. "Just try and come back one day."
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[personal profile] gotaholdonme 2018-07-15 10:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Loki just wants good things for the few good people in her life, that's it. Everything else doesn't matter. She's learned that it doesn't make a difference what you do, if you can't give the good to those who deserve and need it. There's no point in trying to keep out the things that might make someone happy and healthy and she honestly believes that Wanda would be better off with her brother, even if it did mean Loki would be alone.

She's used to being alone, she can go it again. Besides, she's not actually alone, not really, there's the things in the dark, the things that shift inside her mind, hungry and fierce.

"Tonight," she echoes, nodding her head and resting against Wanda once again. "Tomorrow is another day. No one knows what tomorrow has yet."

Which is to say that Loki doesn't expect this to last but if she can have tonight, she'll grab it with both hands.

The mention of food makes her grow a little pale. The idea of eating makes her insides perk up and feel sick all at once. She's had trouble keeping down food and when she has been able to eat, it's not been much or anything of real quality. However, the idea of food still makes her stomach growl in eager anticipation.
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[personal profile] gotaholdonme 2018-07-16 04:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Loki sits up, shaking a little with anticipation. Her body is still adjusting to a number of things, one of which is getting a steady diet again and the other is the quality of food this planet has.

(It's not that Odin was trying to starve her, she wouldn't be useful if she were unable to work, but between Loki forgetting to eat and Odin not making food a main priority --and occasionally just going for something like IV fluids when Loki wouldn't eat or it had been too long --, she did not eat as often as she probably should have.)

Loki reaches out, picking up a piece of bread and tearing it into pieces, eating it bit by bit. She's trying not to eat fast but her hands are moving with more urgency than she actually notices.

For half a second,s he almost forgets Wanda is even there, her brain singing with the idea of putting food inside her that might stay down this time.
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[personal profile] gotaholdonme 2018-07-16 09:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Loki nods. She'd tried eating before, she really had but it only ended in her stomach churning until she was ill in a corner. A part of her is hoping that if she eats in smaller bites, she won't be quite as prone to making herself sick.

"Food," she says around a mouthful of bread. "Doesn't like me as much as I like it." She offers a small, apologetic smile. "I try to keep it down but it doesn't stay."

Then she's handing Wanda the other piece of bread. "But maybe this time will be different?" There's just a tinge of hope in her voice when she says it. "Maybe things will behave."
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[personal profile] gotaholdonme 2018-07-18 12:43 am (UTC)(link)
Loki shrugs. They'd been trying to test things on her, see what she reacts to, once they realized she wasn't human but most of it just left her dizzy and tired. Sometimes worse things would happen, she'd get ill or the things in her mind would stir a little more than normal but she tried not to think abut that.

She honestly spends a lot of her time trying not to think at all.

Loki tilts her head at Wanda, a small smile on her lips. "Do you like it? Making food, I mean."

It's a simple question but Loki finds herself genuinely curious about the answer. She wants to know what Wanda likes, the things that bring her joy.

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